What's Up With Us

So it looks like I'm going to be getting some hands-on experience with some of these come October.I've been called to be a "big sister" on our stake's youth pioneer trek. When I first heard our stake was doing a trek, I really wanted to go, but since they told us that the ward YW and YM leaders wouldn't be going, I kind of got used to the idea of not going. So now I need to get excited about going again. I actually do think it will be great and I've always wanted to take part on a trek. Really my only worry is that I might be pregnant by then if things ever work out in that department.

The good news is that the adult leaders are not supposed to push or pull the handcart. The bad news is that we have the same restrictions as the youth- same food, sleeping conditions, rules restricting deodorant... I am actually okay with it all. I'm a little worried about how strenuous it might be, but only if I was pregnant. If I don't get pregnant by then, then I won't be worried. I'm sure I'll feel like dying, but I won't be worried about a baby inside. I know they'd modify the meals for a pregnant woman at least, but I'm not sure about the rest.

I am also a little worried about the attire. I have no idea how to find or make a pioneer dress! I have never made an actual dress with a bodice and darts and things. I sew very easy projects. So that seems a little scary. Plus I have to help my Mia Maids figure out how to make their clothes as well.

Other things going on around here- the kids are doing well in school. I LOVE going into their classes to help out. I go into Jonah and Eden's twice a month and it is really fun to see the kids in that element. I must say that they seem to be different kids at school. I guess they save the crazy at home for us. How lucky we are :)

The kids have really got into drawing lately, especially the boys. They have almost gone through a whole ream of paper! Levi mostly draws superheros like Batman and Spiderman and villains like Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, and Joker. I'm so excited for Levi's birthday party; he's going to have a superhero party. I hope he can narrow down which superhero he wants to dress up as!

Jonah has been drawing lots of Scooby-Doo and Spiderman pictures. He is really into writing his own books, so I usually have to staple some blank pages together for him. His stories are pretty good.

Before I forget: One day while I was sitting in Jonah's room, he started telling me stories with his toys. They were kind of like little short stories. He must have told me about 10 of them. I started writing down what they were about, but I think I lost that paper. I do remember one though. Jonah had two identical Batman figures. In this story (and he told it much better) , Batman saw another Batman and thought that he must be a bad guy pretending to be him, so he started fighting him. But after a few seconds, he realized that it was just a mirror and he was still the only Batman. I was totally laughing at all of Jonah's funny stories. He's going to be a great writer someday!

What else? We have been doing a little rearranging around here. Well, not that much, but we finally got Eden and Levi out of toddler beds. We are getting the boys some bunk beds and Eden is now on the twin bed that was Jonah's. There is so much more room in the boys' room now, and Eden loves her new bed. I am also going to repaint Eden's room. I'm tearing off the chair rail and am going to paint her walls a nice light, dusty coral-pink color. Think salmon. I'm going to do black, white, taupe-gray, and light aqua green accents in the room. I know it sounds weird, but it will be totally chic, if I can translate what I have in my head to an actual finished product. We'll see. I'm excited to make a new quilt for her bed!

Other than that, life goes on the same. I feel bad that I haven't kept up on other people's blogs lately. I poked around last night and read a few, and I realized that lots of my friends are going through some crazy hard stuff right now. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to pray for. Hope you are all finding sources of strength in whatever you are going through.

First Day of School Again!

Eden, the sweet and spunky KindergartnerJonah, the handsome and cool 1st graderOn Tuesday, Jonah and Eden got to meet their teachers. It was a crazy ordeal; all three kids were super hyper and proceeded to run around each classroom while I tried to talk to the teacher for a minute, hoping she didn't get a horrible first impression of my kids! I was glad when it was over. The kids were horrible! Just goes to show how ready we all are for school to start.

Eden has Mrs. B., Jonah's teacher from last year. She obviously did not want to take a picture.Jonah has Mrs. C., who I hear great things about. She is due to have a baby in September and will be on maternity leave from then until the end of November, so Jonah will have a long-term sub. I am a little apprehensive, but only because I know nothing about the sub. We'll see how that goes.Wednesday was the first day of school. Jonah seemed excited. I don't think he realized how long he was going to be at school. No more half day! When I dropped of Eden for Kindergarten, I saw Jonah, who was just getting out of lunch and having recess. He looked beat! He also looked a little sad, and he told me that he couldn't get his applesauce open at lunch. Poor guy! He is still getting used to the long days.

Eden was a little nervous for her first day (so unlike her)! She said she had a little tummy-ache on the way to school. We got there a little early and I showed her the Kindergarten playground where she can go when I drop her off. She started playing and seemed to be doing a little better. Then when her cousin, Marcelus, showed up, she turned into her normal self. She was so excited to see him! They are in the same class (at least until Lexie and Sharrid move in a few weeks). I hope she doesn't take the move too hard.Marcelus, with the cutest forced toothless smile ever!

Getting ready to go inside

The kids have all been doing well so far. Levi's year won't be much different than last year, so I'm not worried about him at all. Eden is trying to get used to the idea of homework everyday. Thank goodness it has been easy so far, but I know that it will get more difficult soon, so I hope she can deal with it! Jonah is also getting used to the bigger workload. He is mostly trying to adjust to a long day at school. He starts Let's Play Music again next week and hopefully that will be fun for him.

As for me, I will be driving my fair share this year, but it's going to be less than last year. Hooray! Our carpool is a science, but it works! I am looking forward to having some time to sew, read, sleep, listen to the quiet, and volunteer in the kids' classes. I get to go to Eden's class tomorrow. Yay!

Thank You

Wow, everyone. Thanks for your kind comments and your support. I know it's not easy for any of us. It seems like every woman I know has had trials in regards to infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage, and having or losing kids. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even though my heart breaks for each friend or family member as well. In most cases, one may not even know someone is going through something.

Thanks for not getting annoyed as I shared my feelings. I was worried about posting about this, but thought it would be great for me to get my feelings out there and off my chest.

One thing I have learned is not to envy people. Some people seem to have it so easy, but I'm sure they have their trials too, even if they have good poker faces. I don't know if that many people have known my struggles; I don't really broadcast them, but I am also pretty much an open book if I can trust a person. Some people might have thought I had it made. And I do, but I have my days (or weeks or months) just like everyone. Bottom line is, at the end of the day, I would probably rather have my trials than another's.

Thank you, friends and family, for being such great examples to me. I am amazed at how strong each of you are, and at how strong women are in general. Heavenly Father really blesses us to be able to bear the burdens we have.

July and a Little TMI

Okay, I don't know how July escaped me, but I don't think I blogged once in July. I guess things have been pretty crazy. It's not even like we've been gone on vacation or have even been doing much, but ever since swimming lessons and Girls Camp was over, I have been on autopilot to get through the rest of the summer. I kept the kids pretty busy with swim, movies, and library trips, but now it's the dreaded week before school- the longest week of the year, in my opinion! We are all just waiting for school to start. The kids have been really great this summer, but are starting to get at each others' throats, and I am too.

Levi finally started last week. I'm glad he starts in July; might as well go to school, there's nothing else to do around here besides swim! It wasn't too big a deal, since he's still in preschool and he even has the same teacher as last year. He was a little excited on his first day.Being silly...

With his teacher, Miss Kim

Other than that, we have just been plugging along. Stop reading now if you don't want to read the TMI part...

We are still trying to have a baby, but things haven't panned out for us yet. We've been trying since February. The last two months have been especially hard. It's ironic that when I found out I was pregnant with Eden and Levi, I cried because I wasn't ready to have another child that soon and was so scared about every aspect- financial, our living conditions, my physical/mental state. And now, I find myself crying each time I find out we have to wait and try yet another month.

I am feeling very torn, because I am extremely grateful for the good fortune we've had at getting pregnant easily in the past, especially now that it's not so easy for us for some reason. I now have a very very tiny glimpse into what it must be like to have fertility problems. It is horrible. There are so many people who have it really hard, friends and family of ours, and I hope I am not being insensitive to any of them. I know I have been so lucky. It's really hard right now for me to experience a sliver of what they have. I feel horrible for even complaining. And yet, on the flip side, I know and remember well how hard it was having kids so close, when I wasn't mentally prepared for such a feat. I don't mean to whine, but I can't honestly downplay that time in my life and pretend it wasn't the hardest thing I have had to go through, because it was. I am so grateful for my beautiful children, but the fact of the matter is that having three so close, stranded at home, etc. was really hard on me, perhaps harder than it might have been for others. I remember a few years ago, when I finally started feeling happy again and like I had control over my life. Those hard times for me, thankfully, are now a blur, but I know they were real and were there.

So now we find ourselves with a struggle we have never had. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, sick of not knowing what was going on with me. It's not just that we haven't gotten pregnant. I have been feeling weird and having other random symptoms, which leads me to wonder if I might have a hormonal imbalance right now. They ordered complete hormonal lab work for me, and I should find out the results in a few weeks. In the meantime, I am trying out an OTC ovulation detector. There could be a chance I'm ovulating late, or not at all (I doubt the later), so that might help.

So it's a lot of hurry up and wait around here. One more week until school, a few days more until my next appointment, and hopefully things will be back to normal. I am really ready for the kids to get back to a schedule, and I think they are too.

The kids all pretty much have everything they need for school. I have got most of the shopping done. Jonah still needs a new pair of Vans or Converse, but other than that, I think we are ready! I get really excited for the kids' first day. I loved school as a kid, and especially the excitement of the first day, and now I get to live vicariously through the kids. How fun!