July and a Little TMI

Okay, I don't know how July escaped me, but I don't think I blogged once in July. I guess things have been pretty crazy. It's not even like we've been gone on vacation or have even been doing much, but ever since swimming lessons and Girls Camp was over, I have been on autopilot to get through the rest of the summer. I kept the kids pretty busy with swim, movies, and library trips, but now it's the dreaded week before school- the longest week of the year, in my opinion! We are all just waiting for school to start. The kids have been really great this summer, but are starting to get at each others' throats, and I am too.

Levi finally started last week. I'm glad he starts in July; might as well go to school, there's nothing else to do around here besides swim! It wasn't too big a deal, since he's still in preschool and he even has the same teacher as last year. He was a little excited on his first day.Being silly...

With his teacher, Miss Kim

Other than that, we have just been plugging along. Stop reading now if you don't want to read the TMI part...

We are still trying to have a baby, but things haven't panned out for us yet. We've been trying since February. The last two months have been especially hard. It's ironic that when I found out I was pregnant with Eden and Levi, I cried because I wasn't ready to have another child that soon and was so scared about every aspect- financial, our living conditions, my physical/mental state. And now, I find myself crying each time I find out we have to wait and try yet another month.

I am feeling very torn, because I am extremely grateful for the good fortune we've had at getting pregnant easily in the past, especially now that it's not so easy for us for some reason. I now have a very very tiny glimpse into what it must be like to have fertility problems. It is horrible. There are so many people who have it really hard, friends and family of ours, and I hope I am not being insensitive to any of them. I know I have been so lucky. It's really hard right now for me to experience a sliver of what they have. I feel horrible for even complaining. And yet, on the flip side, I know and remember well how hard it was having kids so close, when I wasn't mentally prepared for such a feat. I don't mean to whine, but I can't honestly downplay that time in my life and pretend it wasn't the hardest thing I have had to go through, because it was. I am so grateful for my beautiful children, but the fact of the matter is that having three so close, stranded at home, etc. was really hard on me, perhaps harder than it might have been for others. I remember a few years ago, when I finally started feeling happy again and like I had control over my life. Those hard times for me, thankfully, are now a blur, but I know they were real and were there.

So now we find ourselves with a struggle we have never had. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, sick of not knowing what was going on with me. It's not just that we haven't gotten pregnant. I have been feeling weird and having other random symptoms, which leads me to wonder if I might have a hormonal imbalance right now. They ordered complete hormonal lab work for me, and I should find out the results in a few weeks. In the meantime, I am trying out an OTC ovulation detector. There could be a chance I'm ovulating late, or not at all (I doubt the later), so that might help.

So it's a lot of hurry up and wait around here. One more week until school, a few days more until my next appointment, and hopefully things will be back to normal. I am really ready for the kids to get back to a schedule, and I think they are too.

The kids all pretty much have everything they need for school. I have got most of the shopping done. Jonah still needs a new pair of Vans or Converse, but other than that, I think we are ready! I get really excited for the kids' first day. I loved school as a kid, and especially the excitement of the first day, and now I get to live vicariously through the kids. How fun!